day 10: favourite quote

"And maybe, you can tell your baby

when you love him so that he's been loved before- 

from someone who delivered your son,

From God's Arms to My Arms, to Yours"

I have said before how I felt immediately that when I found out I was expecting adoption was my only option, and I felt very confident and at peace with that decision, because I knew in my heart that it was right. This quote summarizes what those feelings meant to me. 

I believe in a pre-existence, and in life after death. I believe that we all lived together in the presence of God before coming to earth, and that after we die we will be reunited with our families for all of eternity. Now, this may sound crazy to some of you... but I think that perhaps in the pre-existence we knew of the struggles we would face on earth, and that we agreed to tackle them in order to complete our journey here and make it back to our Father in Heaven. Maybe Cash's parents knew of their physical challenges that would prevent them from having children... and maybe I said I would help bring Cash to them through an unconventional way, in order to allow him to gain a spirit and be with his temporal family. (which are the ones he was adopted into).

Whether or not my theory is true, I find peace in believing it is. 

I can't ask for anything more than D&Y making sure Cash knows every day who I am, and how much I love him. After all.... I delivered him from God's arms- to theirs. 

(This quote means everything to me. It is from the song "From God's Arms to My Arms, to Yours" by Michael McLean. I first read this quote on a picture in the office of my Adoption Counsellor, the first time I met with her. The words completely stuck with me from that day on, and that is where I got the name for my blog from!) 

October 22

The date was October 22, 2009.

I was sitting on the floor in my friends bathroom with a stick in my hand. I refused to believe it was true, yet I knew it was. I very quickly made a decision that night that changed my life forever.

That was 2 years ago. Today is October 22, 2011.

I had one main reason for making the decision that I did 2 years ago. I was able to witness that reason come true today. The pain and heartache I experienced by placing Cash is all worth it now.

Cash was sealed to his adoptive parents today for time and all eternity. This means he will have the opportunity to live with his family forever in the after-life. This is such a profound thing to LDS members, and the biggest reason of why I decided to place him in an LDS home. As members, we believe that in order to have celestial glory, you must be sealed in the temple, either to your parents or to your spouse. Children who are born to parents who were married or sealed in the temple are automatically part of this covenant. For children who are not born into the covenant, like Cash, but are legally adopted, can be sealed to their parents once the adoption is finalized, therefore receiving the blessings associated with it.

It's sort of hard for me to explain, but short form: it was a really special day for Cash, his parents, and me. 

temple date.

I read through the last blog I posted and felt somewhat embarrassed. Until this point, I think I have done a good job at appearing strong throughout my trials. And that last post, well... not so strong. I guess I was just having a bad moment. This little thing called jealousy keeps rearing its ugly head inside me, and as much as I try not to, I let it get the best of me sometimes. Its a goal of mine to work on.

Well, today I got news from G (my social worker) that Cash and his parents are FINALLY going through the temple to be sealed for time and all eternity. 

They initially chose Oct 15th, but I will be in EUROPE then ! So I was really upset that I wouldn't be able to be there on this special day. I told G about my situation, and she set out to see what she could do. D&Y are amazing people, and they changed the date to October 22nd so I will be able to attend. 

I am so excited for this day to come. I know it will not come without its share of hardness on me, but I am so happy for D&Y's little family. This sealing is one of the main reasons I decided to place Cash for adoption in the first place. Its a complicated thing to explain, and when I have more time I will try to do that for you all.

The First Time Cash was at the Temple... here in my belly at 17 weeks <3

"The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally."

- The Family: A Proclamation To The World

not on God's time.

Tonight I went to a church fireside with my mom and some family friends, and picked up on a little quote that our Stake President said. 

It really made me think and I hope it will be comforting to those who need a little help at this time in their life. 

God's Time is not always Our Time.

As humans we naturally want things to happen right now, in this very moment. But we need to stop and take a look at the big picture. Our time here is just the beginning of what is to come, so what is the rush? I've said this numerous times before, and I'll keep saying it as long as it is true. Everything happens for a reason. What that reason is however, we might not know for a long time. Or even at all. That shouldn't matter though- because our Father in Heaven knows. Isn't that good enough? It sure was to me. I wasn't ready to be a mother, yet I was expecting a child. Even though I loved Cash so so much, it wasn't the right time for me to raise a baby. There was a woman waiting patiently for God's timing to catch up with hers so she could care for a child, 

and we were led to each other. 

I know a woman who recently lost a baby. She counseled me throughout my pregnancy, and was present when I placed Cash with D&Y. My heart aches for her and her husband, because they would have made great parents. Sadly, their timing just wasn't parallel to God's and their child was taken back home early. Some people might think this is unfair- why would something like this happen to good people? Well, everything happens for a reason, 

and He needed that spirit back in heaven with him.

No matter the situation, we can't ever doubt that God doesn't love us or care about us if we are doing everything we can, we just have to be patient and have faith that things will happen on his time.