Birthmom Photo A Day- Day 1- About Me

Day 1: ABOUT ME.

Hi! I am assuming by now that you have all followed my blog at some point in the last 4 years, but if this is your first time reading - Welcome !! 

Who am I ? I am a cosmetologist by trade, a third-year Commerce student majoring in Management, and most importantly - I am a birthmother to a darling boy who was born in June of 2010. I started this blog four years ago as I was dealing with the emotional aftermath of placing my child for adoption. I started it for personal reasons because it was an easy way for me to document my experience and rehabilitate myself by writing my feelings out. What started out as a personal journal quickly became a public display for everyone to read.. At first I was a little hesitant, because I was being so vulnerable. I was allowing everyone to be a part of what I was going through, the good and the bad. But I then decided that this blog was a great way for me to shed a little light on what adoption is really like, and why I did what I did. My life has since progressed slowly past this emotional and difficult time, and I am doing wonderful now. Yes, I still have my hard days as every birthparent does, but they are few and far between as they are replaced by happy memories and experiences as I see my birth-son grow up. 

Being a birthmother does not define me- it strengthens me. 

I would not be where I am today if I had not gone through the incredible experience of having a child and placing that child for adoption. I grew so much as an individual during that difficult time, and subsequently for the years after as well. I will go through all of that on a later date, but I would be lying if I said that I was not grateful for this trial in my life and how much I was able to grow because of it. Not a day goes by that I don't think of that little boy, and how much love I have for him. I owe so much to him. I live my life each day with the sole intention of making him proud. 

My name is Dallas, and I am a birthmother.

#birthmomphotoaday14

Hey everyone ! So I have been a little MIA on the whole blogging front lately, and the other day I saw this challenge being shared on Instagram... I thought to myself, it would be a great way to share my story and get back into the blogging world ! When I started my blog FOUR years ago (Crazy right !) It was an extremely therapeutic form of healing for me, and although I am doing emotionally well now, I believe it will still be therapeutic for me to revisit the whole experience again. SO here it goes !! Over the next 3o days, I will be sharing a blog post that follows the above challenge. I will be posting a few photos on Instagram, but the majority of this challenge will be done via my blog. I am not 100% open with my adoption story on Facebook and Instagram (for many reasons, but mostly to protect the privacy of Cash and his family, and also because I am not proud of the fact I became pregnant as a teenager and don't believe the whole world needs to know my personal story) BUT November is National Adoption Month and I would like to bring more awareness to Adoption, and the wonderful thing that it is. Stay tuned as I complete this journey !! 

everything you're thankful for

I came home from an incredibly long day at work today and was feeling a little grumpy. I could tell the grumpiness was going to be leading into a pity party for myself that evening as I walked through our back entrance. I got to the kitchen, only to find a disaster (as per usual... ha) and I grumbled a bit to myself, now understanding how my own mother felt when she arrived home and nothing had been done. I glanced at our white-board, where the sometimes bitter notes to each other usually sat, and read something that really softened my heart. My roommate Melissa had wrote, 

    

"What if You Woke up Tomorrow with Only the Things You Thanked God for Tonight ?" 

I really pondered this thought as the night progressed. (I still had a little pity party for myself, but it was necessary haha) I then turned it around to, "What if I woke up tomorrow without the things I forgot to thank God for tonight?" So often we don't think about the things we are truly grateful for, until a moment makes us realize it- and sometimes too late. Like the old saying, "You don't know what you have until it's gone." That's a pretty sad thought, if you ask me. There are so many things in this life I take for granted, and I don't want to anymore. I'm challenging myself- and all of you!- before you go to sleep at night, think of everything you are thankful for. Remind God (and yourself) of the things you don't want to wake up without. Maybe even make a list, and continue adding to it every day. I bet we could each fill an entire book of everything we are grateful for! 

In the spirit of Thanksgiving (even though Canadian Thanksgiving was last month, I missed it because I was in Europe), I will start my "thankful" list here, of the things I most definitely could not imagine waking up tomorrow without. 

1. I am most grateful to a certain blonde haired little boy, who completely turned my world up-side down. I could never in a million years imagine continuing life not knowing him. He did not make the decision to come here, but through being here he made me a completely different person. My whole perspective on life (and love) changed, and for that I am truly grateful. 

2. I can't imagine waking up tomorrow without my family, each and every single one of them. My dad, who has the biggest heart of anyone I know... My mom, who became my best friend when everyone else walked away. Those 6 adorable kids who call me "Auntie", the ones I would unquestionably give my life for- My sisters, my brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents... the list could go on and on. I am super blessed to be born into the family I was, and I love each of them so very much.

3. I am thankful for my friends- there are a select few who stick out the very most to me, but each of my friends over the years has made a big impact on my life in their own way. Those friends who, when things got tough for me, didn't walk away. The ones who stood by my side in the face of adversity and pulled me through it, making sure we would make it out alright together. I am grateful for the friends who were forgiving, sometimes more than once, and who just wanted what was best for me- even if it wasn't always the easiest thing to do. 

4. I am grateful for the gospel in my life, and for the beliefs and values that I have. Although (clearly) I have faltered at times, I have never doubted what I know to be true. Without that guidance in my life, I honestly do not know where I would be at right now. Life would certainly be different thats for sure.

As long as I woke up every morning with these 4 things, everything would be alright. The material things in life really don't matter (although I am grateful for all of that, too!) So make a list, and make sure you think specifically about all the things you can't imagine living without. Thanks Mel, for giving me a little wakeup call ! 

i took the pledge, now it's your turn!

A friend of mine took this pledge and I decided I should too. Now it's your turn !! 

 AS A KIND-HEARTED BLOGGER I PLEDGE TO:

• create, inspire, and admire rather than compete with fellow bloggers
• be understanding of each other-- in the blogging community, as well as in the world
• stay away from internet/blogging bullying
• speak my opinion freely, while still being mindful of other's feelings-- be tactful.
• make an effort--no matter how big or small the gesture, to spread kindness or joy to others
• acknowledge that I will make mistakes, (I am only human) but remember to learn from them
• know that at times I will post about the negative stuff in life, and maybe even some complaining (I am only human) but I will always follow up with something happy/positive too.
• believe that this world is a good place, filled with good people.

SO, as part of my first act for this pledge, I feel the need to clear up a few things:

1. From my previous post about my job... The girl I was speaking of is actually a really nice girl. And I was not trying to make her out to be the "bad guy" in the situation. It was uncomfortable for me, but I know she didn't intentionally try to make me feel that way. So please don't think badly of her :) 

2. I understand fully that adoption is not for everyone. I don't mean to put down those who choose otherwise. That being said, this IS a blog about adoption. I support it 110% and will express that as freely as I like. I try to be mindful of other people's opinions and feelings, and I hope I am achieving that. If I am offending anyone, please let me know and I will try to change that.

3. Many of you know how frustrated/disappointed/confused I have been lately with the lack of contact. This does not in any way mean I am disappointed in Cash's adoptive parents. I'll admit that I have been selfish and am sad only for myself, and do not know the reasoning behind the recent events. I hold the utmost level of respect and love for D&Y and always will, no matter what happens with our openness agreement. 

4. I am still going through stages of grief. I am not sure that it will ever go away. I have good days, but I also have bad days. Unfortunately, I usually post more about the bad days. The negative things in my life. Thanks to this pledge, I am trying to change that. There are so many positive things in my life that I should be writing about, so I'll try to do that more often. Of course, there will still be the few negative ones, that's all part of life. 


5. I also decided to yet again change my background. I thought I needed something a little more uplifting.

I challenge you all to take the Pledge !!! Be a Kind Hearted Blogger ! :) 

post #2: job goal

Day 2: A Short Term Goal You Have:

My goal for this month is to get hired for my dream job. I have always wanted to work at a certain salon here in Lethbridge, and tomorrow I am going to get it !! I'm not letting anything hold me back. I firmly believe in the Law Of Attraction (which states that positive and negative thinking bring about positive and negative physical results, respectively), and so I will be be bold and tell you all right now that I will get this job! I am not going to share which one it is, I don't want to jinx it ;) But here's to hoping that it will all work out!! 

post #1: from my arms to yours.

I was home sick today and didn't really feel like posting something that took alot of thought and was emotional for me, since I'm already so stuffed up :( I know I don't have to post everyday but honestly I have became so addicted to it and want to! I have been working hard on some really great posts that will be up soon, but for now this is all I've came up with. I have put together a compilation of blog challenge posts. I picked the ones I liked, and have about 70 of them. I know I won't want to post about them in order everyday for that long, so I will just do them whenever I have a day where I am "post-less". 

DAY 1: The Meaning Behind Your Blog Name and Why You Chose It

 From God's Arms to My Arms to Yours- Michael McLean

"With so many wrong decisions in my past, I'm not quite sure

If I can ever hope to trust my judgement anymore.

But lately I've been thinking, 'cause it's all I've had to do.

And in my heart I feel that I should give this child to you.

And maybe, you can tell your baby when you love him so that he's been loved before.

By someone who delivered your son, From God's arms to my arm's to yours.

Now if you choose to tell him and if he wants to know.

How the one who gave him life could bear to let him go.

Just tell him there were sleepless nights I prayed and paced the floors.

And knew the only peace I'd find is if this child was yours.

Now I know you don't have to do this, but could you kiss him once for me?

The first time that he ties his shoes or falls and skins his knee, 

And could you hold him twice as long when he makes his mistakes.

Tell him that he's not alone, sometimes that's all it takes -

I know how much he'll ache.

This may not be the answer for another girl like me.

And I'm not on a soapbox saying how we all should be.

I'm just trusting in my feelings and I'm trusting God above.

And I'm trusting you can give our baby both his mother's love.

And maybe, you can tell your baby when you love him so that he's been loved before.

By someone who delivered your son, From God's arms to my arm's to yours."

The song says it all. What title for my blog could possibly be more perfect than the one I chose? 

This song got me through it all.. and still pulls me through the tough days. I still cry everytime I hear it. An elderly couple my family knows through church gave the book to me while I was in the hospital, "From God's Arms to My Arms to Yours", and I strongly suggest anyone affected by adoption reads it. It is full of beautiful words and songs, each so perfect to what we go through. I couldn't have said it better myself! I had actually boughten myself a copy earlier in my pregnancy, so I gave that one to Curtis for him to be comforted by and I kept the one this couple had had written in for me. I was so touched that they were that thoughtful and supportive, despite their age. To this day, I still pull the book out and read through the lyrics. 

Why did I choose this title? I chose to write a blog about placing my son for adoption, so I chose a title that was about adoption. I left out "from God's Arms" because it made for a long title, but in no means does that mean He is any less important. I completely acknowledge God's hand in my life, and in my journey. I could not have gotten through any of this without my faith in Him. 

This song is perfect, just like my love for little Cash. 

one day you'll see me there.

I know I have already fallen behind on my own blog challenge, so hopefully I can catch up within the next few days. This is the first of my posts for the things I L.O.V.E. As of recent, I have decided I have a huge desire to travel the world. I hope to go to some of these places within the next few years, while I can before I actually have to grow up and experience the terrifying "real world". The following is a short compilation of the places I will one day visit- Cuba, the Grand Canyon, Greece, London, New York, Niagara Falls, a Rainforest, Rome, Africa, Thailand, Paris, Egypt, the Great Barrier Reef and Peru. Of course I would love to see many many more, but these ones are on my for sure bucket list- just you wait and see.