9 months.

My little one is 9 months old today. 

I can't believe how fast the time has flown by. 

But that doesn't make it any easier.

I am obviously pro adoption, but I will never sugar coat these feelings I have on the 18th of every month. And just about every other day. I knew it was going to be painful. But if I knew it was going to hurt this much, I probably would have thought about it a little bit more. That's why I get so angry when people say I was being selfish by placing him for adoption. You go right ahead and feel the way I have for the past 9 months and still tell me I was doing the best thing for myself. I have been through hell and back and its a wonder I am even here to let you read this. Even after 9 months it still feels like some part of me is missing. It will probably never go away, and I guess that's okay. It reminds me of the sweetest little boy, and all he has done for me without even knowing it.  

I'm hurting today.. that's nothing new.

Yet even though it's hard.. I'll never regret a second of it.

His hat says "thinking of mommy". I hope he knows his birthmommy is always thinking of him, too. 

"It seems like yesterday has come and gone so fast... but the memories will last... If there's one thing this mother knows, the hardest part is letting go."