no words.

I have so many things that I want to write about, yet somehow I can't find the words to. 

I have felt so overwhelmed with everything that is going on in my life lately, and each night I stare at this blinking curser, trying to find a way to type what I need to. I know I need to get it all out, I've found it's the best way for me to deal with everything. But how?

Point Form:

1. I didn't think Mother's Day would be hard on me, but I'm starting to get more upset each day that it draws closer. I'm spending Sunday with my family, and I've realized its going to be really hard on me. We're celebrating all the mother's in my life... my grandma, mom, and my sisters.. and I'll just be sitting there. No one will even think about me on mother's day, because I'm not really a "mom". It's hard for me to be excited for my family, when I want so badly to be included too. It's a really hard feeling to explain, and I wish they would understand. Y wrote me a letter to open on Mother's Day, so I'm excited to open that, but dreading the day itself. This must be how all birthmom's feel, and for lack of a better word- it SUCKS.

2. I went to an amazing dinner last night that G put on for all the birthmothers she has worked with at LDSFS. I will elaborate on that later, when I'm not feeling grumpy because it was a really special evening. 

3. Last week I got together with Ashley and Megan, and we just talked and talked and talked. It was so nice to be together again. We are each so different, yet share the same experiences. We are SO excited to be working more on Birthmother Appreciation! More to come on that, too. 

4. You all know how much I love music and quotes. So instead of telling you how I feel and sharing my entire personal life with the BF, here's a video that explains exactly what has been going on. 

In all, kinda been feeling pretty crappy lately. I try to stay positive and upbeat on here, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't usually like that. But I guess life can't always be the way we want it, right? I know it'll all be okay in the end. And like I always say, a few tears and heartache isn't always bad. Still forcing a smile on my face, even when it's hard.