reflection on the year

Isn't it amazing how time passes us by & nothing seems to change- & then you look back on a whole year & it seems like nothing is the same ?

I am terrible at journal keeping, so this post will be my journal reflection on the past year. No surprise that its late, but here is a list of my most memorable moments of 2013:

• Playa del Carmen, Mexico: attended a seminar hosted by Kerastase Paris for top salons in Canada. This was an amazing opportunity for me to gain knowledge from some of the top business owners in my industry, and also meet other beauty professionals from across Canada. This week was a great learning experience for me, as well as a lot of fun. Plus its Mexico- whats not to love about a trip there! 
• Toronto: Took a very intensive advanced hair cutting course- very very lucky to have a job that helps out with advanced education because I am very fortunate to have been able to take this class. & I just love downtown Toronto- the food, shopping, its all amazing ! 
• Attended my first Gala - I bought this amazing gold Ralph Lauren gown, and it was a happy moment for me because I almost felt like I was reliving my grad haha- as we all know, I was 9.5mos pregnant for my high school grad, and I didn't get to wear a dress that I normally would have picked out. So this was really exciting for me. 
• Palm Springs, CA: Weeklong vacation there and attended Stagecoach (Country version of Coachella)- I am a HUGE country music fan so this was an amazing experience !! I highly recommend going if you have the chance (as long as you can survive in 40 degree weather outside all day!- SO HOT)
• Vegas: I am in love with the Backstreet Boys (as you all probably know by now) and I was fortunate enough to be able to see them in VEGAS to celebrate my friends 25th Birthday, as well as a month late celebration of my 21st. Lets just say it was an absolute blast haha. We had so much fun at the BSB concert and then went to their after party and were just feet away from them. Definitely a major highlight of my whole year.  

Relationships - Some ended, and others began. I went through a very difficult breakup this year, and I actually couldn't be more grateful for that- as heartbreaking as it was. I learnt so many things through that experience, and I grew so much as a person after allowing myself to walk away from it. I realized what I truly wanted out of a relationship, and pretty much life in general. Yes, I made mistakes. But because of those, I realized what I needed to change in my own life and how I wouldn't allow myself to go through the same experience again.

In my career this year, I did some pretty cool things and furthered myself so much. Most recognizable was that I helped start up a new salon. This was a very challenging and exhausting, yet rewarding experience for me. I did things I never imagined I would do, and achieved some major things that I didn't imagine I would in 21 years of life haha. I pretty much spent my summer around the clock there- making sure construction was going as planned, deciding on changes, developing an operating system, hiring(sometimes firing), on and on… I put my heart and soul into that salon- And I couldn't be more proud of the outcome. I am truly blessed to be a part of a team where we are constantly striving to become better at what we do. We have a great support system, and everyone is willing to help out when needed. While my job is not always easy, it is definitely rewarding and enjoyable.

I definitely became more independent this year as well. I did things that were completely out of the ordinary for me, such as flying alone, snowboarding alone, etc. I realized that I do not need to depend on others- if I want to do something, I will dang well do it !! haha. I am learning to be more content with myself and being alone. This is a very big step for me, but necessary for my overall growth as an individual.

Well, it seems that growing up and getting older means that the dynamic of life changes too- I can't even count how many friends got engaged/married or are having/had babies in 2013. And to be honest- I am a tad bitter about the whole thing. I can't really explain my feelings towards why I feel the way that I do- I have been accused of jealousy and maybe thats true and I had been in denial about it until now haha… But heres the honest truth now- Yes, I am a little jealous. I had the opportunity to create a family for myself 4 years ago. I chose not to because I wanted more for myself, and for my child. That is something I stand behind 100% and would never go back on that decision. But the fact that people around me are getting married makes me bitter because I so wish that I had been in a different situation all those years ago. While I don't have a child now- In my mind and heart, I am a mother. I felt the same emotions any new mother would, and still feel that way sometimes. My heart and arms ache to have my little baby back again. So while I look at my friends new families, I am overjoyed for them that they have found happiness. But it is bitter-sweet, because I know that I have so much love to give, and no one to give it to. But of course, the time will come. (I guess I didn't learn patience this year.. haha)

2013 was a complete roller coaster ride for me. The girl I started 2013 as is not at all the same person who sits here now facing 2014. And that is a good thing. I faced numerous challenges this year that were extremely hard for me. 2010 was definitely the most difficult year of my life after the adoption of my son, but 2013 was pretty dang close. A lot of really hard things happened to me this year, and most won't be shared on here.. But I have learnt from those trials, and hope that they will shape my future so that I can create a positive outcome for myself. I lost myself for a good portion of the year, and it took hitting some serious road blocks to make me realize where I wanted to be, and what changes I had to make in my life to get there. Somehow, I pulled through these low moments and something good came out of each one of them once I made up my mind to find the positive hiding.
So, at the end of 2013, I am very content. I am happy with who I am, and where I am heading. Excited to see where 2014 will take me. I know it won't all be smooth, but I know that I can overcome whatever obstacles come my way. Bring it on, 2014- I'm ready for you !!