I've been reading some blogs from birthparents and adoptive parents and I find myself being somewhat angry with AP's right now. Not angry at D&Y by any means, just in general. (Cash's parents are great with our openness- definitely not saying otherwise here)
There is a certain BM blog that I follow and we regularly comment on each other's posts.. I don't know this woman at all, but I feel a tender spot in my heart for her. She is part of an open adoption, but it seems to me that she does not have a very good relationship with her daughter's AP's, and that saddens me. She, like most BMs, does not want to step on any toes and make the AP's uncomfortable... but in turn that makes it feel like she is not "allowed" to see her birth daughter. This is causing her to feel a bit of regret that she placed in the first place, because she hasn't yet found that closure that is so easy to achieve when you have open contact.
This is what I think- and correct me if I am possibly just being dramatic- We, as Birth parents, have made it possible for APs to have a family. And in return, some AP's just cut off all ties to BPs because of fear. Fear of what, I don't really know. Now tell me, how can that possibly be fair? True, when a BM places she relinquishes all rights and privileges without any sort of legalities binding the openness agreement, but it was a gift of pure love- and they are left with nothing but a broken heart in return. I don't mean to sound selfish, but I am very passionate over BM rights. To me, refusing contact is what's selfish in this situation. For a BM to think she is not "allowed" to see her child is so sad to me.
Of course, there is always the other side where a BM does not want contact, but thats an entirely different topic I will touch on later. Also, some AP's cut off contact with their BMs because they feel it is in their child's best interest, and I will not argue with that. I'm talking about AP's who agreed to an open adoption but are not willing to uphold that agreement because of selfish concerns, despite the child's best interest.
All I'm saying is that no BM should ever feel like they are not allowed to know how their child is doing. Adoptions have come a long way in the past few years, and obviously it's for a reason. There is no way I would have placed Cash if I wouldn't be able to see how he is doing. I think it is also super important for an adoptee to know where they came from, and who better else to heart that from but their birth-family? A main point of having an OPEN adoption is so that birthparents can see how their child is doing and continue to have the reassurance they need to know they made the best decision possible. Adoptive parents at least owe that to their children's birth parents, don't you think?
It's late, and maybe I'm just rambling on, but this is really bothering me. I hope nothing I said was offensive. Comments please!
Friday, August 12, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
I've been impatient with my updates yet again... its almost 2 months late, again. Slightly frustrating for me because I SO look forward to them. Well G got in touch with D&Y and they have just been waiting a little bit to get more pictures and send some gifts along for the one year update. Again, I'm kicking myself for getting a little upset because of course I know they would never let me down. They go above and beyond what I ever could have expected in my update packages, and I am so eternally grateful for that. Looking on the bright side- my next one is now due in 2 months instead of 4, so now I don't have to wait quite as long for that one. They are also taking him to the Temple next month to be Sealed to them- I will explain all that later :) So that means a visit is coming up too! Very excited.
I feel so lucky to have a great relationship with Cash's APs, and that they are willing to share his life with me. They take so much of the hurt off my heart by keeping me involved in his life. I couldn't imagine having it any other way, and I am so very blessed by our whole situation. I got a new charm for my bracelet for Cash's 1st birthday and it totally speaks what I feel towards Cash & his parents:
" I am grateful that in God's design, he planned it so your path crossed mine."