Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Happy 4th Birthday, Little Man

It seems that time passes by so quickly, and it isn't until Cash's birthday approaches each year that I realize the full extent of that. I cannot believe it has been FOUR years since I had that cute little guy. FOUR years since my life flipped upside down. 
In four years, the pain hasn't left- but it has lessened. 

In the past four years I have made peace with my decision, learned from my mistakes, and realized that I can't hold onto things I have no control over. Things are not ideal, and I wish that I had more involvement in Cash's life than I presently do. But I don't, and I can't be angry about that. 

Whether he is physically a part of my life or not, he is always part of it nonetheless. 
Four years later, I still think of him every day. No amount of time will ever change that.
So as hard as it is, I'm sending all of my love to him today as I always do. 

Sunday, June 15, 2014

for my dad.

This post is about my hero, my first love, and my greatest fan. This is to the man who provided for his family in so many more ways than simply physical provisions. He has worked hard every day of his life, and even throughout difficult times, he always manages to keep laughing.
If you haven't had the privilege of meeting my father, you are seriously missing out. This man has a heart of pure gold, and is hilarious to boot. I know a lot of people feel this way about their parents, but I ACTUALLY have the best dad in the world. (Don't even try to fight with me on that one, because I will win haha) He would do absolutely anything for my siblings and I, and for anyone who needed him, for that matter. I have witnessed him countless times going to help a neighbour, whether they asked for it or not, and if he got a call from someone who needed him, he would drop everything and be there as soon as he could.

I can feel of a special bond that my dad and Cash share, even though their time together has been short. I know that it was very difficult for him to see me go through the experience that I did. I know that he would have been incredibly supportive if I had decided to parent Cash, just as he was supportive of my decision to place. Not once did he or my mom tell me what to do, and I am so grateful for that because it was 100% my decision and they allowed me that freedom. I have never once doubted that he or my mom loved me, because they show it in a hundred different ways. All throughout my life he made sure I knew how much he loved me. He was always writing little notes for me to find that said "I love you", and now that I am on my own he will send emails and texts randomly, just to remind me that he is thinking of me and loves me. But he doesn't have to tell me with words, because he shows it even more so with everyday actions and acts of service to remind me how much he cares. If I am ever feeling down, all I have to do is call my dad and he instantly will make me feel better, simply by reminding me of how lucky I am to have a man like him as a role model.

I would sincerely consider myself lucky to marry someone who is half the man my father is. He is understanding, selfless, loving, hard-working, funny, Christ-like, kind, and all around a genuinely wonderful person. As you can tell from this whole long spiel, is that I hold a very, very special place in my heart for this man. No one is perfect, but in my eyes he is pretty darn close. Every day of my life I feel of his unconditional love for me, and not a moment goes by that I am not grateful that I was sent to this earth to be raised by two wonderful parents. I am so blessed.