Sunday, October 25, 2015

best thanksgiving ever.

This year, my fiancé and I were able to spend Thanksgiving with the family I am MOST thankful for.
I couldn't imagine a more perfect day.

I had a little bit of a breakdown on the way to their home (4 hours away)- partly because I was nervous for Max to meet Cash for the first time, but mostly because I just didn't know what to expect... It had been over 2 years since the last time I saw them in person! The last time we got together Cash was barely 3 years old, and still didn't really understand what was going on... and now he is 5 1/2, which makes a BIG difference. I also hadn't heard anything from them at all in over a year, and the updates are usually late (which is OK) but I was worried that they were going to tell me that they wanted to close our adoption. I was so scared as we pulled up to their home.... Would he be scared of me? Would they be uncomfortable with me being there? All the what if's, and all the unknowns.....

But as soon as I saw him, all of my fears washed away.

He knew exactly who I was. As soon as I walked in, he was a little shy, but he said hi and called me Dallas. When his mom asked him who I am, he whispered "my birth mom" (oh, my heart!)
He had gotten SO big since the last time I saw him!! He was so excited to show me his lego sets, and his room, and everything else he could think of. He told his own made up knock-knock jokes all throughout dinner, and laughed at himself. He was the smartest, and cutest little boy I have ever seen.

He wanted to show me a book that his mom and he prepared for me.. It was a book of all of his school work that he had done that year, and he told me about every single one. To see his face light up the way it did, made me so so proud. And then, he gave me a leather-bound journal. (Because his mom knows me so well!) Inside the front cover, he had drawn a picture of the two of us holding hands. We had matching blue eyes and blonde hair (Because I was blonde until he was 2 years old).... He signed it: To Dallas, Love Cash. It totally melted my heart!!!!!

We spent a few hours just talking together, with Cash and his sister playing in the background. It felt so normal, and the conversation between the 4 of us was easy, and comfortable. We each shared our feelings, and some questions about our future relationship, and I left feeling at peace.

When Max and I were leaving, Cash whispered to his mom, "Tell Dallas she can come visit me whenever she wants." I teared up instantly, because those words coming from such a small person meant the absolute most. We hugged, and then drove away. (And I bawled in the car, haha)

I feel so insanely blessed to have this relationship with Cash and his parents, and for their willingness to share some of their life with me. This meeting may be our last for quite some time, but I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to have those moments with them, and I will truly cherish them for the rest of my life. I love this family with all that I am, and I know for a surety that the decision I made nearly 6 years ago, was the right one. To hear that little boy who I love so so deeply know who I am- to have him tell me I can visit him- it makes it all worth it. I am so blessed.