Wednesday, April 6, 2011

is it closing?

I'm beginning to get a tiny glimpse as to what birthparents with closed adoptions must feel towards their babies. I've found myself wondering about things that Cash should be doing at his age.
Does he crawl yet? He was pretty close at Christmas. Does he have any teeth? What's his personality like? What kind of foods is he eating? Is he sleeping through the night? Is it time for his first haircut? (which I would absolutely love love love to do)

I should know these things by now. And yet here I am, still imagining to myself what milestones in his life I don't know about yet. He will be 10 months in 12 days and I haven't heard a word since I saw them in December. I know I legally have no right to know anything about him anymore, but I'm still feeling somewhat let down.
I've always kept my head up through challenges, and this time won't be any different. I'm looking to the bright side, hoping that maybe they just forgot to send my package, or maybe they have been away on holidays. Hopefully I find out the reasoning soon. Still smiling, yet anxiously waiting.

December 2010- The first, & last visit with Cash


  1. Dallas I am in love with how optimistic you are in the face of such a scary thing. I think I need to take a lesson from you in remembering that positivity is so important and that everything works out 'for your good' when it's all said and done.

  2. Oh goodness.. your blog is beautiful. I admire your strength. I have been clicking from one blog to another trying to find good adoption resources (my husband and I are hoping to adopt soon) and yours is a wonderful one. Thank you for sharing your story.

  3. ps.. one of my favorite parts of your blog is in the sidebar where it says.. "You are creeper #:..." bahaha.. love it.

  4. Drop them a line. You don't always have to wait for them to contact you first. They may think it's painful for you to receive the updates.

  5. 15,000 people read your blog...must feel good hey?
    i'm sorry that this is happening for you, i hope things go better and you get to know what you're wanting to.
    i have a question though, i was under the impression that you had an open adoption? is that not so you can keep contact?


  6. An adoptive momma here in an open adoption...I agree with Black Betty. You can contact them "just to check in." It's perfectly acceptable :) Good luck!

  7. I appreciate the comments everyone, thanks :)

    And yes jazzy, I (did?) have an open adoption, that is why I am so puzzled. I was supposed to receive updates at 2 weeks, 1 month, every 3 months, every 4 months, every 6, and then once a year from 4-12. Until now they have been very prompt with sending packages on the correct dates, and quick to respond to my emails back.

    I should probably state that I did send an email back in December thanking them for allowing us to visit, and I did not hear back from them. I don't want to seem pushy and scare them away, that is why I haven't tried contacting them since. I want them to have as much space as they need without feeling threatened by my contact.

    My social worker knows of my concerns and hopefully will have some positive news for me soon.

  8. Oh boy do I know how you feel!!! My son turns 6months old today and I desperately wanted them to reach out to me. Instead I just decided to shoot them a text message.

    I have to say I agree with an above poster, shoot them some communication. They may think you need some time or are even a little afraid to contact you. Ya never know.

    I know I always am super afraid I will offend them, bother them...ect.

    Hang in there.

  9. Dallas you are truly a blessing to so many people. You have a gift of expressing your most emotional moments and sharing them with the world. I hope that the family gets the package to you soon and that you can have all the answers to your questions. My heart is with you and I am constantly thinking about how you are doing and wishing you all the best.