Saturday, November 26, 2011

everything you're thankful for

I came home from an incredibly long day at work today and was feeling a little grumpy. I could tell the grumpiness was going to be leading into a pity party for myself that evening as I walked through our back entrance. I got to the kitchen, only to find a disaster (as per usual... ha) and I grumbled a bit to myself, now understanding how my own mother felt when she arrived home and nothing had been done. I glanced at our white-board, where the sometimes bitter notes to each other usually sat, and read something that really softened my heart. My roommate Melissa had wrote, 
"What if You Woke up Tomorrow with Only the Things You Thanked God for Tonight ?" 

I really pondered this thought as the night progressed. (I still had a little pity party for myself, but it was necessary haha) I then turned it around to, "What if I woke up tomorrow without the things I forgot to thank God for tonight?" So often we don't think about the things we are truly grateful for, until a moment makes us realize it- and sometimes too late. Like the old saying, "You don't know what you have until it's gone." That's a pretty sad thought, if you ask me. There are so many things in this life I take for granted, and I don't want to anymore. I'm challenging myself- and all of you!- before you go to sleep at night, think of everything you are thankful for. Remind God (and yourself) of the things you don't want to wake up without. Maybe even make a list, and continue adding to it every day. I bet we could each fill an entire book of everything we are grateful for! 
In the spirit of Thanksgiving (even though Canadian Thanksgiving was last month, I missed it because I was in Europe), I will start my "thankful" list here, of the things I most definitely could not imagine waking up tomorrow without. 

1. I am most grateful to a certain blonde haired little boy, who completely turned my world up-side down. I could never in a million years imagine continuing life not knowing him. He did not make the decision to come here, but through being here he made me a completely different person. My whole perspective on life (and love) changed, and for that I am truly grateful. 

2. I can't imagine waking up tomorrow without my family, each and every single one of them. My dad, who has the biggest heart of anyone I know... My mom, who became my best friend when everyone else walked away. Those 6 adorable kids who call me "Auntie", the ones I would unquestionably give my life for- My sisters, my brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents... the list could go on and on. I am super blessed to be born into the family I was, and I love each of them so very much.

3. I am thankful for my friends- there are a select few who stick out the very most to me, but each of my friends over the years has made a big impact on my life in their own way. Those friends who, when things got tough for me, didn't walk away. The ones who stood by my side in the face of adversity and pulled me through it, making sure we would make it out alright together. I am grateful for the friends who were forgiving, sometimes more than once, and who just wanted what was best for me- even if it wasn't always the easiest thing to do. 

4. I am grateful for the gospel in my life, and for the beliefs and values that I have. Although (clearly) I have faltered at times, I have never doubted what I know to be true. Without that guidance in my life, I honestly do not know where I would be at right now. Life would certainly be different thats for sure.

As long as I woke up every morning with these 4 things, everything would be alright. The material things in life really don't matter (although I am grateful for all of that, too!) So make a list, and make sure you think specifically about all the things you can't imagine living without. Thanks Mel, for giving me a little wakeup call ! 

just a blah day.

It's been a long time since I've made a post like this. I've been able to hold myself together pretty well, without many sad days. With each passing day, the pain gets more bearable. Every day still has heartache, but I learn how to cope when thoughts come into my mind... but that doesn't mean that it ever is fully erased from my mind, either. Little things trigger the hurt- tonight, I was reading a post my friend made on her boyfriends wall, who passed away 3 months ago in a car accident. Of course nothing was said about adoption, but whenever I read about other people's pain, it only brings back my own. 
I miss him purely for my own selfish reasons. I'm very lonely living away from home, and I wish with all my heart that I could just have him here with me. To smile up at me when I'm sad, to give me cuddles in the mornings, to know someone loves me unconditionally. All these things I picture him doing with his real mom, and sometimes I just wish I was her. I know I gave up the chance to do all these things, but that doesn't mean sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I hadn't. 
I guess I'm just rambling on and don't really have a point for this... I've been struggling with finding the words for posts these past few months. I feel like my mind has just shut off and is refusing to put my feelings into words. Blah. Hopefully have some real posts coming for you all soon.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Advice from Elder Busche

This video is a must-watch for everyone. A friend posted it on her facebook page when she was going through a hard time, and I clicked on it out of curiosity. Can I saw WOW? I really needed to see this video at this time, It totally helped me refocus and gain a new perspective on what I sometimes forget is most important in life. This video summed up everything that we need to remember, everything we need to do - to be happy. And thats what we all strive for, isn't it? Just watch, reflect, and learn. I loved this! Here are some quotes that especially stuck out to me personally: 

"In life, there have to be challenges that either bring you closer to God and therefore make you stronger, or they can destroy you. But you make the decision on which road you will take." 

"God knows you are not perfect. As you suffer about your imperfections, he will give you comfort and suggestions where to approve. God knows better than you what you need. He always attempts to speak to you. Listen and follow the uncomfortable suggestions He makes to us- Everything will fall into its place.

"When you are compelled to give up something, or when things that are near to you are withdrawn from you, know that this is your lesson to be learned right now. But know also that as you are learning this lesson, God wants to give you something better.