Friday, March 18, 2011

9 months.

My little one is 9 months old today. 
I can't believe how fast the time has flown by. 
But that doesn't make it any easier.

I am obviously pro adoption, but I will never sugar coat these feelings I have on the 18th of every month. And just about every other day. I knew it was going to be painful. But if I knew it was going to hurt this much, I probably would have thought about it a little bit more. That's why I get so angry when people say I was being selfish by placing him for adoption. You go right ahead and feel the way I have for the past 9 months and still tell me I was doing the best thing for myself. I have been through hell and back and its a wonder I am even here to let you read this. Even after 9 months it still feels like some part of me is missing. It will probably never go away, and I guess that's okay. It reminds me of the sweetest little boy, and all he has done for me without even knowing it.  
I'm hurting today.. that's nothing new.
Yet even though it's hard.. I'll never regret a second of it.

His hat says "thinking of mommy". I hope he knows his birthmommy is always thinking of him, too. 

"It seems like yesterday has come and gone so fast... but the memories will last... If there's one thing this mother knows, the hardest part is letting go."


  1. Beautiful post.

    I am almost to the 6month mark and it definitely hasn't gotten any easier. It also seriously irritates me when people say I was selfish or only thinking about my future and not far they are from the truth. If they only knew how our hearts felt.

    I hope you are surrounded by people who love and support you today!


  2. (((hugs))))) I love the picture of you holding him. It's really a good picture.

  3. I too love the picture.

    And as you can see, each of us birthmothers completely understand how you feel. We all have an empty place in our hearts that should be filled by parenting our child.

    No matter how wonderful our child's life is, we will always miss him/her.

    Some days we just have to live through. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

    Much love to you!

  4. I may not be a birth mommy but i am most definitely sooo soo angry when people accuse birth moms of being selfish.

    couldn't be farther from the truth <3