Monday, January 23, 2012

god gave me you.



Someone asked me two days ago, "If you could go back, would you? Would you make it so you wouldn't have gotten pregnant with Cash?" I stopped briefly to think about this, but without much hesitation I came to my answer. No, I wouldn't want to take it back. I was in a bad place. I knew I wasn't living life the way I wanted to, but I didn't know how to get out. I had a bad attitude towards everything in general, and I just plain wasn't happy. I cared about what everyones opinion of me was, without remembering what was really important. Then this little boy came into my world, and everything turned upside-down. Being the only pregnant one in highschool didn't make it easy to blend in. All attention was on me, so I no longer could be self conscious and worry about what others were thinking. I now knew what they were thinking. I embraced my belly and became confident with myself. I became optimistic. Most importantly, I became happy. I had a direction I was headed in, and I wasn't going to let anyone bring me down. I strongly believe that God sent Cash here to give me a wake up call and help me realize what I wanted out of life. Cash was my chance to start over, and my opportunity to learn so much from. I had to take time to look at the big picture, and I am deeply grateful for the experiences I had. I know I've said it a thousand times already but I will keep saying it for the rest of my life. No, having a child at 17 is not something I would recommend doing... haha. But I could never regret having that little boy. He's given me so much, without even knowing it. Here's a song that fits perfectly with the way I felt when asked this question- 

For all the times I felt cheated
I complained, you know how I love to complain
For all the wrongs I repeated
Though I was to blame,
 I still cursed that rain
I didn't have a prayer, didn't have a clue
And then out of the blue

God gave me you to show me what's real
There's more to life than just how I feel
And all that I’m worth is right before my eyes
And all that I live for, though I didn't know why
Now I do, cos god gave me you

For all the times I wore my self-pity
Like a favourite shirt, all wrapped up in that hurt
For every glass I saw, I saw half empty
Now it overflows like a river through my soul
From every doubt I had, I’m finally free
And I truly believe

God gave me you to show me what’s real
There’s more to life than just how I feel
And all that I’m worth is right before my eyes
And all that I live for, though I didn’t know why
Now I do, cos god gave me you



God gave me you to show me what’s real
There’s more to life than just how I feel
And all that I’m worth is right before my eyes
And all that I live for, though I didn’t know why
Now I do, cos god gave me you
God gave me you

-- Bryan White                                                        


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