Well, today was the big day... and what a good day it was. Curtis and I spent the whole afternoon with Cash and his family, and it was perfect. We were very nervous going in, because we didn't really know what to expect. So we walked in the door, and there Cash was being fed by his mom. It was like looking at Curt, so freaky how much they look alike haha. Hes adorable! (if i do say so myself!) I had seen pictures of him throughout the last 6 months, but if I hadn't, I definitely would not have even recognized him. He wasn't the little baby I think of when I think of Cash. I think that is what made our visit easier- to me, Cash will always be my "baby". I associate the feelings of hurt with a baby.. and when I saw him today, he definitely wasn't that anymore. It was so amazing to be there and share some special moments with each other.
It was almost a sort of "closure"- not in a bad way though. I have had some concerns since placement, because I have been told that he will always know who his "real mom"(me) is.. But when I was with him today, it was obvious that he knows his real mom is Y. If I was holding him and he'd get fussy, all it would take is Y's arms to calm him down. This may sound odd, but that made me feel so good. I am happy that he doesn't recognize me, because that means he wasn't hurting for me. Leaving was the first time I teared up all day, and it was because I was thinking back to 6 months ago, when I last said goodbye. Once I reminded myself that this is not the last time I will see him, and of how happy & loved he is, I was able to keep it together. It wasn't as hard to walk away this time, because I know without a doubt that he is with the family he was meant to be with. They are wonderful, and I couldn't be more happy with the way things turned out.
I am going to keep this short and sweet, and add more tomorrow. I am waiting on some pictures from D&Y, because my camera was being dumb so they are blurry. But here is a little preview!
Curtis & Cash
look at those eyes.. he got them from his momma!
he loves cars.. anything but baby toys!
he bounces around like crazy in his jollyjumper!
Birthmomma & Baby
look at that face!
He's all smiles!
the beautiful bracelet they gave me :)
In all, an amazing and perfect day. Seeing Cash was the best Christmas present I could have gotten <3