I'm having a really hard time with the fact that mothers day is a week away... It seemed to come so fast !
Last year mother's day was a really bitter-sweet event, as I'm sure this year will be too. I woke up and had to force myself to get out of bed and put a happy face on.. which I have evidently become very good at doing, ha ha. My own mother was perhaps the only one who acknowledged that this day would be difficult for me, and she got me a small gift that meant a lot. (A charm for my Thomas Sabo bracelet) We went to my sisters for dinner, and on my way there I received a phone call from a really special person, who is serving a mission for my church. I felt Gods hand in my life that day, because that call was exactly what I needed. I continued throughout the day with a smile on my face, celebrating my sisters, mom, and grandma.. while trying my hardest to fight through the real emotions I was feeling.
As this mother's day approaches, I have the same anxious feeling about it and I already dread having to drag myself out of bed. (But of course, I will.) I feel so much pressure to act like everything is okay and that "mothers day" is just another day to me- but in truth, it is far from. How sad is it that a holiday can bring up so many painful memories! The world does not acknowledge "birthmothers" on "mother's day" and it hurts me to say so. I feel that as birthmothers we are forgotten on this day, when we need some extra love and support. I will be the first to admit that I am not Cash's "mom", and I don't try to be. But I hate pretending to overlook the fact that I was a mother for 9 months. That I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy and was his mother for 3 days.
My question to you is this: As birthmoms, should we celebrate Mother's Day or not? I've been struggling with the answer to this for 2 years now, and have yet to come to a conclusion.
So until I decide, in a week's time I will be wishing all my friends and family a Happy Mother's Day, while selfishly hoping someone will be thinking of me, too.