5 years ago.

five years ago, my heart learned what love was.

it also experienced complete and utter heartbreak as I had to leave that love behind.

Cash turned 5 years old at 3:59am today.

I can't believe it has been that long. It feels like only yesterday- I find myself having flashbacks to that moment when I first saw his face, and it is tearing my heart apart once again.

I miss him so much. 

It is easy as life goes on to forget to take the time to ponder and heal- something I know I need to continually do... My life has been blessed immensely in the past 5 years, but that doesn't mean I don't still have my moments of discontentment.

At times I wonder what life would be like, had I parented him.
But I know that he is where he is meant to be- in a loving family with two wonderful parents. As I type, I have just received an email from them with pictures of his day- what a cutie! I am so blessed to have contact with them and know that he is being cared for.

So tonight as I lay down to sleep, it is with a heavy heart. I ache to hold my little boy once more, and tell him of my love for him. But I know that his parents are doing that for me- telling him of his story once more, and how he will forever be surrounded by love, even if it is from a distance. 

I love you more than words can say, my sweet little boy. 
I always will.