Monday, June 13, 2011

i've got the scars to prove it.

Cash's 1st Birthday is coming up on Saturday.... I honestly CAN NOT BELIEVE it has already been a year since I held that little boy for the first time. I want to do something special. I have no idea what that might be, but for those of you who know me know that I am a perfectionist and I think about things waaaaayy too much. So here I am, 5 days away from the anniversary of the hardest day of my life, and I don't know yet what I am going to be doing. Ahhhhh, it is stressing me out already. HELP ME! Do any of you birthmothers, adoptive mothers, or adoptees have any ideas of what I should do on Saturday/ get for Cash for his birthday? I've been looking on other's blogs but haven't yet found much. I want to do something that will help me cherish the memories I have of him, and take my mind off of the sadness I will be feeling. I won't be seeing him on his birthday, but I will in early July so I can give them something then. Also, the BF and I have broken up, so I will not be with him like previously planned. 
Any and All ideas are greatly appreciated :)

On a side note, some very exciting things have been going on in my life lately!! Nikki came home for a short visit, and we have made up for the time lost while she was in Calgary. We went to the YSA Conference this weekend with Megan, we met some other really great people there, and had a BLAST ! I am so lucky to have such amazing friends ! Life is looking good right now :)


  1. I am so sorry about the change in your relationship with BF. I figured that was happenieng based on your post on my blog.

    Isn't it pure torture when that is the only person who completely shares your connection to that child who you love so much?

    My heart hurts for you.

    I am glad to see you are doing well. I hope that you have many, many good days to follow.

    We have to hold firm that there is a special someone out there for both of us who will cherish us - and love us through the grief we have for this hardest decision of our lives.

    As for the birthday, write him a letter. Make it a tradition. Give one to him and keep a copy so you can make a book of them for later.

    If it is acceptable to Cash's parents, what about one of those recordable books by Hallmark. I just love those and it would be neat for him to have a recording of your voice.

    I suppose it would be up to his parents whether that would be hard for them or not. But I bet they would be OK with it.

    If not, what about a picture book that he can touch with his sweet little hands. Something small that he can carry around, but not so expensive that it would be devastating if he tore it up by loving on it.

    Just some suggestions.

    How exciting that you get to visit soon!

  2. I also struggled with what to give for my birth-sons first birthday. I knew it had to be just right! So I wrote a letter to him and gave with the letter a silver bracelet with his name engraved on the front, and on the back was engraved "I will always love you".

    I wanted to give him something that would be a keepsake for him to get later because I did not know if I would ever get a chance to give him a gift again. He was given the bracelet at 15 and wore it till the finish started coming off. Now it sits in its case in his window seal above his desk.

    When I met him finally at age 18, I gave him another bracelet. This one was leather and silver. And in brail on the top it said "not by sight." And on the back was engraved the scripture "for we walk by faith, not by sight".

    I know you want this to be perfect and special. But remember that whatever you give him will be from YOU. That will matter more to him that the gift itself. It will be that little reminder of YOU that he will most treasure. Keep your chin up. There will be good days and there will be hard days. But you are NEVER alone. I will cry with you, and laugh with you. You are amazing!!! Thank you for letting myself and many others share in your story. =) Blessings girl!