Saturday, January 22, 2011

because of a little boy

It is amazing to me how many people are affected by one life. I was thinking about this tonight while talking to Karlee. She texted me saying she misses her "nephew" (Cash) and wishes she could hold him.. When I found out I was pregnant, I knew it would affect my family. I knew it would affect some of my friends. But I didn't realize the effect it would have on so many of the other people around me. Making a decision would not only have an influence on my life, my baby's life, and my parents life, but everyone else's life as well. Had I kept Cash, my friendships would have changed dramatically. Placing him also made my friendships change though, too. One of my best friends took the loss of Cash very hard. She was a huge part of my pregnancy, and felt as though now that he was gone, so was our close friendship. It was difficult for me to watch her pain, but I was going through it too so we grieved together. Nikki, Karlee, Hayley and Anise were the only friends I had come see Cash in the hospital, and none of them have seen him since other than in pictures. Despite this, I know that he has made a big impact on some of my friends lives, and it touches my heart. That little boy didn't have a choice to be brought to earth- but he has already made it a better place without even knowing it. I can't imagine what my life would be like without having this amazing experience; I honestly am so grateful for having had it in my life. At times it doesn't feel real- did I really go through all of this last year? And then I stop and realize how different things were before I got pregnant, and how happy I am with the way things are now. Who knew how much a little baby boy could change the world? He certainly changed mine. 

"Because you live and breathe, Because you made me believe in myself when no one else could help. Because you live, my world has twice as many stars in the sky... Because of you, I made it through every storm" - Jesse McCartney "Because You Live"


  1. Great post.....I didn't fully understand the impact of my placent decision on friends and family until after the fact, either. I sort of thought that it wouldn't matter to them one way or the other. I lost a very close friend who had stuck with me from the beginning and that's been super hard. I don't blame anyone but it's hard to deal with the loss of friends and other supportive relationships on top of the placement.

  2. Such an insightful post! It truly is amazing how each of our lives are so interconnected. I have loved reading your story and am so touched by your courage and selflessness. Thank you for your example.