Monday, January 24, 2011

calling all b'moms; part 2

SO, I just had a thought about the last post I did, asking for some advice from fellow birthmoms to help my friend Nicole. As I was talking about the situation with a close friend of mine today, I realized how upset this actually makes me.

Adoption is a sacred thing. Those children are placed because of an unconditional love their birthparents feel for them. It goes so much farther than just the child's current temporal needs. Speaking on behalf of Curtis and I, when we made the decision to place Cash it was so much more than us not being able to take care of him "right now". We realized without a doubt that our child's entire future for ETERNITY would be affected by our decision. It was a very spiritual decision I had to make, and I did not take it lightly whatsoever. A lot of sincere prayer went into choosing a family for Cash, and to this day I still feel "tingly" when I think about the incredible experience it was for me. I am sure Nicole and Justin went through this same thought process. Adoption is a very tender, touching subject for me to be open with. It is becoming easier through this blog, but He and his family will always be very sacred to me. I would be furious if one day Curtis and I broke up and he brings some random girl (that he was not engaged/married to) to see MY son. When I gave birth to Cash, we decided not to have any visitors other than our families. I wanted as much time with him as possible. I think I hurt some people's feelings when I asked them not to come, but they respected me and I am grateful for that. In the end, I had my two best friends, Nikki (who was in the delivery room) and Karlee come because they were so close to me, and also my cousin/best friend Hayley and my close friend Anise from dance. I chose who I wanted to share him with very carefully, and I really wanted these girls to see him while they could and love him with me. I drew the line at those friends, because I felt that he was too special to be shared with just anyone. Again, I'm sure that Nicole and Justin didn't invite the whole world into their special moment with Levi. I would love to have my friends see Cash because he is so darn cute! But I am kind of selfish in the fact that I want my private time with Cash because I don't get it very often. I would hate to share that time with my ex-boyfriend/baby's daddy's current girlfriend. Especially if that girlfriend was trying to take my place in my son's life. Not OK at all.
These are just some of the reasons I am so upset over the fact that Justin wants his new girlfriend Emma present in his birthson's life. Maybe I am over reacting, but this is something that really struck me in the wrong way. What do you all think? Thanks for the quick responses to my last post!


  1. I really think that so the child doesn't get confused and get mixed in with a bunch of drama that I think that the child shouldn't be exposed to girlfriends and boyfriends of the birth parents. I don't mean to be rude by the term drama. It sounds like your friend's new girlfriend is trying to cause trouble. I hope this gets resolved so it don't end up with the result of them deciding not to allow visits at all.

  2. I don't think you are being too sensitive or making mountains out of molehills either. Even if it is an open adoption, the birthparents (I am one so I can say this) need focus 100% on the well being of the child and that means being as respectful and apppropriate as possible in interacting with the child and his/her adoptive family. I don't think that it is neccessary (eg. what value or benefit does it bring to the child?) to start bringing the girlfriend around. Maybe down the road if they are engaged/married as you said, but honestly a child doesn't need the confusion of forming a relationship with "birthfather's girlfriend" who may or may not be in the child's life down the road. I don't mean to sound rude either but at this point it seems premature and unneccessary.